Average Seeks Perfection: This has not been my first efforts with blogging. I actually created something called Average Seeks Perfection. In many ways it’s pretty much similar to this blog except it focused on fitness goals.
Another underlying purpose of the blog was to bring out the narrative of my search for someone special. In many ways in my head it was like a blogging version of a Hollywood Rom-com:
“Girl next door type meets an average guy obsessed with perfection.”
What is being a perfectionist like?
Being a perfectionist has its advantages and disadvantages – I have never been happy settling for what I have and usually wanted more. This means I have worked multiple jobs, got two degrees, done a lot of travelling and always been open to develop my experiences.
This is also a disadvantage as by continually wanting more I am never content in myself and therefore this affects my self-esteem. To the average outsider they really do not get why I am so down on myself
It is only since I put the work into this blog that I have become more aware of this issue and want to focus on my positives. What have I gained that I not have last week/month/year?
The Perfectionist looking for a relationship
But my old thinking has made me very picky when looking at women and if I am being totally honest I have made many excuses not to approach due to my anxiety about rejection.
In my mind when I see a girl I am attracted to I can envision the whole potential relationship in my mind.
And then that’s it, I continue with my me against the world attitude and focus on everything else I enjoy.
The reason I enjoy training at the gym so much is that it is the only facet in my long that is firmly in the control of me and me alone. If I slack off at the gym it is my fault and no one elses.
If a girl rejects me because I am not her type then this is out of my control. I could have the body of a fitness model, the intelligence of an academic, the humour of a standup, wealth of an entrepreneur and the style of a playboy.
And that is what lurks in the back of my head everytime I see a girl I am attracted to.
To be a perfectionist is to be a fool, as not only am I setting the bar high for myself I expect the person on my arm to adhere to this same standard.
So why now?
In the past week these issues have really come to light. I met someone who seems pretty cool. For some reason I managed for one minute to get over all the anxiety, depression and excuses and got her number.
A date was set, but during that waiting period those doubts crept in that made me want to cancel.
“Did you see that hot girl who smiled at you on your run, you can do better?”
“What if she has just broke up with a boyfriend and just sees me as a rebound option”
“What if things are awkward when we meet?”
“What is she’s a total bitch and wants to control your life”
“What if I suddenly get the drizzling shits and have to excuse myself for 20 minutes”
To put things in perspective I had to think clearly – last week I had no prospects with the opposite sex. Why would I flake for all the bullshit reasons I created.
I consulted me wisest friend on these issues:
“Look she’s given you her number and wants to meet you, she’s obviously attracted to you so stop worrying, relax and have a good evening”
I felt better by his reassuring comments – its been a long dry spell so over a few joints I asked various hypothetical “what should I do?” type questions.
Please wish me well, I am either going to die on my arse or maybe I will actually learn to enjoy myself
I am average, I do seek perfection, but in many ways it would be great to have someone to support me towards achieving the high standards I have set.