Help friend get laid

I set some post mid year resolutions because I wanted to get my self-improvement goals back on track after a slump. I have used SMART objectives to set out how I intend to achieve my goals.  However as this goal is a unique situation and does not relate personally to my own well-being I decided to just write what on earth possessed me to include this weird objective.

Okay, so what is my rational for this creepy objective?

Soon after starting the Manifesto of Perfection I went to a punk rock show, where I was eager to develop my seduction skills.  I got talking to a cute brunette.  From how she talked and acted I realised she was underage – this was made obvious when she pushed me to buy her beer at the bar.

Because I am not a drink buying machine, I called her out on her shit – she admitted she was underage and I managed to get money off her so she could buy herself (and me) a drink.  I kind of got a thrill out of doing this – I had never bought alcohol for an underage girl before.  So it got me thinking – what if I had some kind of bucket list full of odd and funny objectives.

So I dreamt up some bizarre ideas – get a post menopausal woman stoned, take some homeless people to a fancy restaurant and get my weird friend laid.

So what happened?

Most of the ideas were just bizarre things that I would not waste my time doing or they were just unrealistic, such as my plan to win the lottery and throw the winnings of a tall building, so that I could observe the chaos down below.

I forgot about the list, until my girlfriend met my weird friend.  He made her laugh till her sides hurt and not in a good way.  His obliviousness to what he was saying and his surrounding, made her come out with the following statement:

“He’s never going to have sex unless he can meet a woman who is as mentally deranged as him”

Its kind of cruel, but to be honest the truth can be.  So although I said I would stop looking after my friends so much, I am making this one exception – this is partly because I care about his well-being or it could just be I want some good material for this blog.

How am I trying to help?

This is not going to be easy – change can only happen when an individual is willing to embrace it and he is the crazy, lunatic friend who will never understand.

I am already ruling out bar game, as he is someone who would never approach or even be able to hold a conversation.

I have been working to make his tinder profile more appealing, but he ignores what I says and puts a selfie picture of him making a duck face surrounded by his man-child memorabilia.  So I got bored and changed his setting to bring up men only and swiping right through about 300 dudes.  He never had so many matches.

And as I’m not doing well helping him out so far…

The contingency is probably going to involve the help of a prostitute.

So what time scale have I set for this?

Whether through sex worker or divine miracle – my friend will get laid by the end of 2015.


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