Writing this blog gives me a lot of opportunity to reflect on my life – I have referred to it many times as “free therapy” because just by writing through my problems, reflecting and explaining what I intended to do has helped me get through some tough times.
I sometimes come across unwanted reflection as I start to dig deeper and I get that horrible twitch in my head of when I have been truly wronged.
When I say truly wronged I mean people who have scarred my memory for life, not someone on the Internet whose political views I disagree with.
These people have that special category because they did something horrible that I will never forgot – even as I find ways of getting over it and want to forget, they will always be there in the back of my mind.
Fortunately the list is exclusive, there are only two people who meet that category. When they first hurt me I could do nothing except fantasize about them having a change of luck leading to their downfall and death.
Overtime this has subsided, put I still do get that feeling from time to time. And that is because there are places that have been ruined and people I can’t talk to because of their actions. And that is why I despise them.
I have been taking the saying “the best revenge is living the best life possible” to heart. As a result I am grateful that they damaged me in such a way because I don’t think I would have been able to achieved so much over the last four years unless I’d had some other awakening to make the most of life, say for example a near death experience.
But “the best revenge” motto has been irritating me recently – it is a good that I am living the best life possible – but to do it in spite of someone I despise and don’t see anymore just feels wrong. The more I think about it, the more I want to have a good life for the benefit of those that love me
In some way I do want those who hurt me to see what I have become. But I am annoyed with putting so much motivation behind proving someone who I dislike wrong.
So I decided, I will be successful for those who have supported me on this journey so that they can be happy to see what I have achieved and share in the glory.
I don’t want the downfall and death of my enemies no more, I don’t want them to be average, I don’t desire them to look at my life with envy. I am happy for them to just be nothing.
I do this for everybody that I love, you are the people that picked me up when I was down, the ones who kept me laughing when everything that seemed bleak, that bit of optimism when all I could see was bad.
Here’s to you my friends, my family, my acquaintances and most importantly, my future – to the girl I love.
The life I lead is for you.