How not to be a pushover

This post on assertiveness was originally posted on March 2015.

I set this development goal on something originally set called ‘Stop looking after my friends so much’.

The last few months has been a key few months.  I have started my new job, but realise (and have been told) that I lack the confidence to express my opinions.

Sure there is a limit – there are people who just like to be disagreeable, but I realise that if I do not start standing up for myself, this will impact my life and by default many of my goals and aspirations.

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The Problem

If I ignore the problem then the following things may happen in my life:

• I take on too much responsibility because I can’t say no – this leads to a break down.
• In my attempts to impress at work I overlook myself for promotion because I come off as being unable to make tough decisions, instead trying to make everyone happy.
• People know I am a pushover and take advantage.
• I may encounter a situation I am not happy about, but because I am a pushover I do not say anything and make myself miserable.
• Friends and Family make bad decisions because I am scared to offend.

There are probably many scenarios I have not even considered, but these are some of the main issues that have an effect – some, despite a denial, are actually happening in my life right now.

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The Solution

The first step – like an alcoholic is accepting I have a problem.   So no more denial that it is not as bad as I would like to think.  My denial is perhaps stemmed from thinking I am a ‘nice guy’.  Well no more.

My name is James, and I am a pushover…

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The Next Steps

In my quest to be more assertive I will:

• Develop role models – look at examples of people who refused to budge or who weren’t afraid to offend
• Read assertiveness literature
• Make a conscious decision to take an assertive decision everyday – this can be saying no to a task, expressing a conflicting opinion or telling someone when they have annoyed or offended me.
• Create assertiveness rules – a guide for myself of what I need to adhere to, to become a more assertive person.

Further reading:

A guide to being assertive