You’re measure of achievement could be for the wrong reasons
I write these words after coming back from my four year olds swimming lesson.
Not to be an overly boastful father, but today she killed it!
Her confidence has come on so much, and despite being the youngest in her class she holds her own.
Today as they did the back stroke, I sat amazed as she powered through the water, kicking away like she was powered by a little propeller engine as her peers around her flopped and floundered in the water.
Then to top it all off as the end of the lesson they always get the kids to have a go at jumping in the pool.
Some kids decline, others will do it assisted by a hand (or two), well my little girl, decided to make the jump unassisted without coercion, plunging into the water and looking a bit taken aback by the water shooting up her nose.
I made a bit of a spectacle of myself in the parents observation area letting out a loud whelping noise with an expletive expressing my surprise – even her elder sister hasn’t achieved this milestone yet.
When she came out, I couldn’t have been a prouder dad, and congratulated her on how well she had performed today.
She responded in an adorable huffy voice
“NO… I didn’t!”
How could she think that? I mean I can’t talk I’m my own harshest critic, but even I know when I’ve done something well.
I put my arm around her to give her a reassuring hug.
“What are you talking about, you did so well!” I remarked as I recapped all the brilliant things she’d achieved in the lesson.
“No I didn’t, do well!” she responded back.
I don’t know where this view point came from so I asked why would she say that.
“I didn’t win star of the week” came the response in a voice that sounded like she wanted to blub.
If you don’t know what star of the week is, think of it like a participation award that her swimming school give out to one child after every lesson.
My wife and I had discussed the merits on how they decided who would get the award – Was it based on who was the best that day? Was it most improved?
We found out a few weeks later it was none of those things, but based on a system of evenly distributing the recognition so that all the class would get a fair share of turns.
So, pretty much meaningless.
Is your views on success and achievement messed up?
This experience made me think the motivations we have for doing something, and our idea of what makes you a success in that field are wrong.
I didn’t sign my daughters up for swimming lessons to win a competition to get validated for five seconds every week based on a system that has no tangible logic how it is awarded.
There doing it so that they can learn something that will fair them well in life whether it’s getting more joy and fun going into a swimming pool on holiday, or on the off chance they’d need to tap into this practical skill of preserving their life should they fall into water.
This view of achievement impacts us all, and we can often find we’re doing things for the wrong reasons:
- because we believe it will make a loved one happy,
- to impress someone you find attractive,
- to get a meaningless certificate or award,
- to have a salary and job title that shows you’ve “made it”
- to get validation and recognition from society.
The real reason we should do anything is so that we can grow and improve to become better individuals.
The measure of success should be based on doing something a bit better than yesterday, and not because you can get recognition for your efforts, taking that mindset will doom you to unhappiness.
Call to action: doing things for the right reason
In reflection of this post, I invite you to think:
What are your current life priorities?
Are you doing them for the right reasons?
Could you make your goals around it more meaningful? (Example it’s not about winning an award).
Are you pursuing something where you don’t feel like your achieving?
Flip that around, consider what good things you’ve seen from your efforts (this can be personal growth, or how your efforts have helped others).
What is something you’re doing that is making you unhappy?
Have you got the wrong reasons for doing this?
If you can’t think of more meaningful reasons to motivate your achievement, have you thought if it’s time to spend your energies on something else?.
Update: my daughters’ reasons for swimming
My daughter will often mention something about whether she has been “star of the week” and does base her lessons success around this.
I always respond with something like “isn’t it more important that your having fun learning to swim – just think of how much more fun you’re going to have on holiday not needing mummy and daddy to pull you around the pool?”
And although that bloody accolade does come up as being a motivation, I felt a positive breakthrough this week when she said without prompting “I did really well at my swimming lesson last week.”
Wishing you the best in your success
James @Perfect Manifesto
Perfect Manifesto 
I’ve had to face this question when I didn’t achieve the success I had hoped for, either as an artist or as an author. I had to ask WHY i kept doing what I do, and in accepting that I do it because I need to create and share, I have also come to accept the lack of notoriety or success. I know that I am helping and have helped others with my writing, and my art right now is selling at fundraisers to help support incoming Ukrainian refugees into my city. That has become more meaningful to me than acclaim or financial success, that would be nice too, I won’t deny! The side effect of seeing success in different terms is that I no longer feel driven to prove myself or just to produce, and that has helped me feel much more at peace! I like that feeling now that I have had some time to live with it, so I think I’ll just continue on that path!
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