I really think we say sorry too much. If I clash with someone coming out of the gents as I am going in 9 times out of 10 I hear “oh sorry…”
Why do you need to be sorry? Isn’t excuse me a more appropriate word?
I couldn’t help but think we say sorry too much. For men in particular over use of the word makes us sound feeble and weak. Last year I came to the logic that if I changed my outlook and stopped being apologetic for everything thing I would become a more assertive and confident man.
So I set myself the “Two Sorry challenge”
Basically each person I would get two sorrys in my life time.
- Did it have a purpose? – Not really?
- Was it possible? – As I said sorry to my girlfriend for catching her hair in bed, probably not. With one sorry left I realised I had to save that for something really bad.
- Did any good come of it? Erm… yes and no.
The Bad
In my old job I acted as a bit of a joker because the job was that depressing that taking a light hearted look on life was the only way to cope.
So I never said anything serious. I had a good friendship with someone who I thought had a pretty good sense of humour, until I misjudged a situation one day and made a comment she took personally.
I thought it was a stupid thing to take personally and so did everyone else in the office. So I used that as justification that I was right. I was not going to ruin my challenge.
Weeks passed and the atmosphere got worse and worse. All I had to do was say sorry. But I refused to.
The next day I said sorry. Things stopped being awkward but the friendship was never the same. If I had said sorry at the beginning the damage would not have happened.
The Good
After that incident I realised stubbornly refusing to say sorry was not a good idea. I understood not being a meek pushover was important, but it relied more on saying a word.
Although I say sorry, I do use it on a sensible basis.
When I do make mistakes I admit to them, but avoid using the word sorry. I have found that people prefer this, perhaps because the word sorry is used so liberally that it carries little weight.
Outcome
I only say sorry when it is appropriate – I don’t say sorry when I need to ask someone a question at work and I definitely don’t say sorry when I clash with someone at the door.
Finally I have said sorry to my girlfriend more than twice, though I don’t say it when I accidentally catch her hair in bed.
Anyway if you didn’t like this post, then I suppose…. that is not good.
- James
Perfect Manifesto 