The Lost Boy (Part Two)

The actions of yesterday, shape what your life is today

The fireworks continued to bombard the blackened night sky as the clock struck 12.01.

It feels like nothing ever changes, until you really sit down to analyse and look over a long enough period, to realise how much it does.

When it comes to self-improvement, if you’ve taken a small consistent action, you’ll see how far you’ve come.

Although for my life, it was a long time ago, in the scheme of the universe it was nothing.

But on that day, I wondered about my future. Even in my teenage years I wasn’t desiring the designer watches, and designer girls. I never wanted a Lambo, or extravagance, just the simple things that’s achievable for most of us, if you try.

To love and be loved.

Security.

Achieving something to be proud of.

Meaning.

As is common for any lost boy I wandered around aimlessly without direction, trying things and wondering if any of those things would find me.

It was only when I began to lose hope ten years ago, I knew I had to make drastic changes, or be doomed to be that bachelor uncle.

It wasn’t easy setting goals, it felt like I was owed results now due to the fact my twenties hadn’t been as lucrative in life progress as I’d hoped.

Patience is a virtue, I had to learn to embrace, and it became my philosophy to aspire for progress rather than perfection.

Every sweat, every strain had to be counted as there were no short cuts to success, achieving my goals and realising my dreams.

Chipping away, making small gains, sometimes felt so insignificant in progress it felt like I wasn’t going anywhere, but those tiny wins were going to take me far.

“Those stupid people who make new year resolutions, but can’t follow them through” I’d hear people say.

Yes, I was one of those people who had been spurred by the changing of the year, and those ignorant insults just made me more stubborn to follow my goals through.

I can and I will, watch me.

Those words became my affirmation, words I’d repeat every morning, every night, every time someone doubted me, or I dared to doubt myself.

I can and I will, watch me.

Funny that those words became more motivational than reading any self-help book I ever bought or borrowed, and all because I was sitting in a train station looking over a high street stationery shop killing time before a job interview reading through a rack of motivational postcards.

“Yeah, that’s me” I thought at the time, purchasing the postcard that still sits above my desk today, taking central pride around pictures of the family, who I always wondered if I’d ever have.

Photo: I can & I will watch me. Taken years ago by James M. Lane @perfectmanifesto.com

One by one I progressed to get that simple aspiration that naïve, 18-year old me wanted and more.

I fixed the hurt of past failures and disappointments, that cynical, 30-year old me had thought was only destined for other people.

Though even today I’m so grateful for what I have, and how good it feels, often wondering if this is all a dream that started on the 1st January 2014 which I’ve not woken up from yet, which inevitable disappointment to come as I awake from it all.

But it’s not.

You’re good.

You’ve done this, even if you look back and you’re not sure how you’ve managed to keep it going for so long, either way that timid, insecure lost boy is gone.

But don’t get me wrong, it’s not perfect, but then nothing is supposed to be – there’s been challenges, hard times and bad years.

But I’m grateful for the strength to keep going, to keep giving the best life to my family, keep striving for improvement, and making the life of others better.

The actions of yesterday, shape what your life is today.

And what you can do today, will change your life tomorrow.

The 1st January 2024 was a special day. It was the time I realised how far I’d come, and yet knew there was so much more that I could do.