Although there is no exact formula to success, our mindset and attitude can be baggage holding us back.  We may not realise it, but the way we think maybe having an impact on our how effectively we achieve our goals and live our lives. 

Many of us are unaware we are doing any of these, and it is only by being alerted by others we can begin to consciously work to eliminate as part of our self-development.  Here are seven attributes which can make people ineffective – take a look to see how many affect you and start following the advice to address these today: 

Bear Grudges 

Your need to hold grudges against those who have wronged you, is like a disease, if you don’t treat it then it will fester and grow.  Naturally when someone has hurt you in past, you’re going to feel anger, which can motivate you towards a better life, but for all the wrong reasons – to prove to someone you hate wrong. 

Related post: The Hate List

If you don’t address this, then your life will be full of bitterness, stop allowing these people to occupy your daily thoughts and let go of that hate.  When you perform actions to be better, don’t do it to show someone, instead think about the people who love and care for you, who will benefit from your success. 

Image from Pexels (Don’t know what this picture is about, but I like to think the dude looking across is bearing a grudge against the other guy because he brought snacks and didn’t share).

Live in Fear 

Fear of failure is actually a naturally evolved response, going back to the time when taking a risk could mean death.  However, in more safer times this has made us over cautious, making us afraid of standing out from the crowd, in the event we look foolish when if we fall. 

But to get better, you need to take risks.  When you learnt how to ride a bike, you start with training wheels, but if you really want to learn to ride, then it’s inevitable these will be removed.  Although you may lose your balance and fall in the mud, you accept this risk. 

If this teaches us anything, then it’s learn to get comfortable putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.  Remove those “training wheels”, keep putting yourself under constant stress.  When you get used to it, move to the next level, repeat. 

Wrong priorities 

People tend to have priorities that are is totally out of whack, too much time is spent worrying about what is beyond our control, whether it’s new events, choices of friends and family, or dwelling on things that happened in the past – you can’t change it.  Yet still people choose to waste time focusing on these things. 

Therefore, the trick is to shift your focus on what you can control, look at what is within your power to change.  It’s worth noting the only thing you’re guarantee 100% control over is yourself, so why not start from there?  

The Priority Stair Theory is a way of placing importance on tasks. Read the post

Poor Self-talk 

If how you talk to yourself on a day to day basis, was how a friend talked to you, then you would consider them a bad friend who you want to avoid at every cost.  After all, when you make a mistake, what kind of friend calls you stupid, or says “told you so” when you try and fail at something? 

This type of thinking has been engineered into your subconscious with years of negative thinking, so that it becomes your natural reaction to whatever you do.  The good thing is, the mind, like a muscle can be trained.  Learn compassionate self-talk and talk about yourself positively as you go about your day.  When you fail don’t beat yourself up – congratulate yourself for trying, reaffirming that you’ll do better next time. 

Don’t know how to pick their battles 

Have you ever met someone who is disagreeable about everything?  They are the type of person who is terrible at picking fights, wasting time arguing and fighting over stuff that offers no strategic advantage for personal growth and success.  All this serves it to waste too much time and energy on a hill that isn’t worth dying for. 

related post: The art of assertiveness: anger and picking your battles wisely

It’s about it’s about being more self-aware about what matters to you.  That doesn’t mean you’re being submissive, the total opposite as you are showing assertiveness with your self-confidence, not letting petty matters bother you.  When you learn if something isn’t worth it, you’ll find you become more productive spending time working on your goals rather than getting into petty arguments. 

Image from Pexels

Compare everything to others 

Way too much time is spent comparing to others.  But the truth is you can’t go living your life like this, often what you are doing is comparing your first day against someone who is on their 10,000 day of the journey. 

If you ever check comments of every famous person on social media, you’ll always seeing lots of comments from people quick to tell them why they had all the luck.  For every successful person who see you should feel inspired, not threatened – stop allowing the victories of others to make you feel defeated before you’ve even started! 

We can all agree, success is not going to be easy, this means accepting all the work, sacrifices and setbacks.  Celebrate the achievements you have already made and focus on your own progress. 

One step at a time… 

Everyone has a different definition of what success looks like and that route will vary, but the things holding us back are similar.  A part of your self-development isn’t just completing a range of actions to get to your end goal but being able to eliminate the negative attributes holding you back. 

These issues won’t be resolved overnight, but by being aware of the biggest demons impacting you, you can follow daily rituals to change your approach to how you think, and live a more satisfying, happy and successful life. 

Thanks for reading. What do you think are the habits of highly ineffective people?

James @Perfect Manifesto

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Related post: How applying the 7 habits of highly effective people quadrant theory helps manage time


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