It’s not been an easy year so far…
In some ways I knew this moment was coming, my head hasn’t been into much recently. You could say too many lockdowns, too many gym closures,… too many setbacks were responsible for the frustrations. But I know that’s a lie and a bit of self-sabotage was involved somewhere.
Recently (and by recent I mean since April), I’ve lacked motivation – as soon as my head hits the pillow I shut my eyes to the outside world drowning out overthinking by listening to a YouTube fuelled ASMR coma.
I can’t even remember when I last read a book…
My writing has suffered, it’s not writers block, I’ve got enough ideas to make this blog last a lifetime (if I want to). It’s pure laziness – I can still hash out words onto the page, but lack the patience to mold them into something beautiful. Until recently I’ve kept the schedule going being carried by past work and more motivated times, back when I was the guy who’d got in the habit of writing 3 or 4 pieces of new content in a week (I’d love to see that guy again).
The new job has worn me down. When talking about it, I’ve compared it to a relationship that needs work, which is never a good sign when you’ve just started, which is funny really, as it’s actually a pretty shitty analogy as any relationship that turbulent, I’d have ended months ago.
These problems I buried in the back of my head, in a vain hope that everything would figure itself out, but subtle signs of my hidden darkness, like snapping at the kids for the smallest thing, exposed the demons within.
Life went on, until of all things an annoying incident of workmen half doing a job, then not showing up to finish it made me snap and I realised I couldn’t keep ignoring life problems.
I finally admitted – I’m so fed up (and I’m not going to take it anymore).
Today is a new beginning to look at my goals, where I am, and start to look forward to the future again.
Finding meaning from struggles…
Sometimes I question why life has to be so hard, especially when you’ve had a streak of things going so good for so long. But then I think these struggles have a meaning, to continue to test us, make us stronger… Or as Rocky Balboa says:
“It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”
Take care of yourself and see you next time.
James @Perfect Manifesto
Perfect Manifesto 
nothing like the simple wisdom of Rocky to keep us going…
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Definitely I always felt the later rocky films started with the motivational quotes and they work the scripts round that!
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I wouldn’t be surprised!
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James, I did wonder where you’d gone. I thought you might have been taking a blogging break.
I think we all go through the stage you’ve written about in this post. I know I have. But I’ve always found that something out of the blue gets me on the right track again. It’s often a comment left on one of my posts, or even something said to me in person or said on the TV or in a movie I’m watching.
What helps me too is that I know that if I write, I feel good about it at the end of the day. I may not publish what I’ve written, but it seems to lift my mood and help me get back on track.
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Thanks one week unintended changed into two, and could have easily been three if I didn’t break the slump!
I’ve had loads of ideas but never the drive to finish them off, it’s like you say something said, TV or a movie gets you writing again.
I know in the end I’ll never quit writing due to the therapy it gives, this post for example I wasn’t in a good place when I started but felt a weight taken off me from finishing.
Thanks so much for your comment Hugh (it’s also quite nice when people wonder where you are 😃)
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Well, I had become used to seeing a post from you every Wednesday, James. At first, I thought the WordPress gremlins had unsubscribed me from your blog, but upon checking my ‘following’ list, you were still there.
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It’s really good that my Wednesday habit is noticeable! 😀
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